08.09.10
Being a Good Partner
For a long time, I have wanted to write about a number of issues that do not deal with specific hands, bidding, playing or defending issues. Among the topics are partnership behavior, ethics, alert procedures, and director rulings.
Today, I want to take a few minutes to talk about being a good partner. What does it take to be a good partner? First and foremost, you must be polite to your partner, at all times! I strive to be polite, courteous and friendly to all of my partners, be they peers, students,better players, lesser players, pick-up partners, regular partners, or people with whom I am filling in when directing.
Every time my partner lays down a dummy when I am declarer, I say thank you, regardless of how good or bad the dummy is and how close it is to what partner described in the bidding (if they did any bidding at all).
I always try to make my partners feel appreciated and I go out of my way to make them feel appreciated and not taken for granted. I have one partner, with whom I play every week, that I e-mail to say how much I enjoyed the game. This is someone who I never want to feel as if I have taken that person for granted.
I also play with a lot of students. While I don’t generally send them e-mails like the partner I described above, I make sure to point out what they did well in addition to what they need to work on. One such partner often replies bulls**t, but I always mean what I say. This particular student makes a significant number of mistakes, many from inattention, many from holes in that person’s knowledge; however, I always mean the compliments I give.
Remember that every partner, including yourself, makes mistakes. It is acceptable to politely point these out to partner if partner has not recognized the error. Depending on the relationship between the partners, it is sometimes okay to good-naturedly tease the partner about a silly or careless mistake (assuming you are willing to accept the same teasing when the roles are reversed). Once in a while, you may get irritated by a partner’s mistake(s). Avoid showing your irritation at all costs. It does no good to yell or scold a partner. All that will accomplish is to cause partner to make more mistakes. Once in a a while, everyone will show some irritation; however, do so as mildly as possible and avoid showing it when you can. I used to have one regular partner who might make one salty comment when I made a mistake, but that was it – he dropped it. He never lost his temper. That is the sign of a good partner. I have also had partners who yelled at me at least 3 times a session. That always caused me to make more mistakes. I no longer play with such people. I tolerated it when I was an up and coming player and the hot-tempered partner was mentoring me. Today, even if I play with someone significantly better than I am, I will not tolerate anything other than mild irritation. There is never a need to lose one’s temper. Every issue can be addressed by rational discussion, even if the end result is to agree to disagree.
As a result of the way I treat partners, I am always in great demand as a partner. Everyone wants to be treated well, and the people I play with appreciate the way I treat them. Even if I am having an off day and can’t get out of my own way and make every wrong decision I can make (as I did a few days ago), my partners excuse it because I excuse it in them.
So remember to treat you partners well. Make sure that they feel appreciated. I truly like every one of my partners and every student who takes playing lessons with me. I make certain that they know I like them and that I appreciate them. My students know that I will correct their mistakes (or at least as many as I have time to address) and that I will compliment them on what they do well and what they have improved upon.
Do the same with your partners and you will never have a problem finding someone to play with.
